Thursday, May 31, 2007

OK! I want back off the Roller Coaster!

I know I said that I was ready to get back on, but I lied!! Hormones started ragging when I tried to trick AF to wait another week by extending my bcp's. It is like I keep telling her to wait and she keeps telling me that she is coming and getting madder by the minute that I tell her NO!!! But no longer as I took what will hopefully be my last bcp for the next... oh... forever!!!! I hate those little pills of torture!! Maybe the dog can go dig up my libido now and return it to me! I know my husband will be grateful. Not that I really like him all that much right now (hubs or the dog). Basically, I hate all things that have a penis! Partially glad that I don't need sex to conceive!!! HAHA! Damn hormones! I hope this will get better soon, but I am afraid that it will not as I will start injections on Monday.

Hubs is giving me all sorts of grief! Our 1st year anniversary is 5 days before retrieval and he wants to go to the beach and now is upset that I can't guarantee that it will be possible.
So here is my delima 1)do I let him plan a trip away knowing that it may not happen
2) No matter where we are do I share the bottle of Dom that we got as a wedding gift to share on our 1st year anniversary??
I will blog more tomorrow!!
Let me know what you think,

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Dreaming with Caution!

Well, I start my second round of BCP's tomorrow. Since I am not taking the "sugar" pills and starting a new pack straight out my insurance isn't going to pay anything. Normally this wouldn't be so bad if I was going to take the whole round but I am taking 1 week!! Yes siree, $66 for 7 little micro sized pills! If they were big as horse pills I might feel like I was getting my monies worth a little bit, but NNNOOOOO!! That is $9.42 a pill!!!! I know that is a drop in the bucket compared to my other meds but just $66 I didn't plan to spend. OK Rant over......

Ordering Meds a week later than I wanted because I was hoping Income tax check would come in so I would feel like they were FREE!! HAHA! So much for that. I just want to get on the roller coaster again. I know that sounds strange and I am trying hard to not get my hopes up but my heart flutters a little when I think about hearing those sweet words, "Your Pregnant!"
But I have been down this road before and didn't hear those words, so I dream with caution. I have always been the tough girl that never let anything stop her and in doing so I have taken an "Oh Well!" attitude when things don't go as I had planned. It isn't a don't care attitude but one of serenity. I guess it is a defense mech of the sorts. Anywho, because I "oh well'd" the last cycle I now can't help but start to do the whole due date and how far I will be at what holiday and will I be able to do this or that. Should I have shopped for more winter type maternity clothes, and the list goes on and on! I am so OCD, I hate the unknown so I daydream as if I know what will happen. I wish my ovaries had half the kick start my brain does!!! HEHEHE!!
So I am now playing the waiting game to start stims.......
Hoping and Praying for you all!!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Strangely Appropriate~~

OK! Well I caved and decided to borrow a fun thing from some of you and post my top five ipod songs on shuffle. I was amazed how close they hit home. It's a little spooky! Anyway, without much adieu...........

1)The song for the you that existed before you ever thought about your fertility: Conversations with my 13 year old Self -Pink
This is strange because I had problems at a very young age and my gyn had told me that I would have trouble getting pregnant. Since I wasn't trying at such a young age I ignored it and ended up pregnant at 19. Now that I want to get pregnant I can't~~ Sucks!
2)Would you really want to go back and be that person again?
Not really, I was young when I was first told I would have problems but apparently the problems were getting pregnant as a grown adult instead of a child!
3)The song for when you first started fertility treatments:
Back in the Day-Christina Aguilera
If you count OPK's then it has been almost a year. I know many people have tried for much longer but this has been one of the longest years of my LIFE!!!
4)What did infertility do to your sex life?
Damn Girl-Justin Timberlake
That one cracked me up!!!! How appropriate was that!! I keep telling Hubby that the dog has taken my libido and buried in the back yard somewhere!! HAHAHA!!
5)What about superstitions and fertility rituals?
Not sure about this one!! The life of the infertile is by far not a glamorous one! However it did make me think about something someone said to me once... She and I were talking about the expenses of IVF and she said, "Be Glad that you and your husband have good jobs so you can afford the treatments!" While that is true I would have quite the GLAMOROUS life spoiling my baby rotten!!!! Then again it repeats over and over in the song,"If you ain't got no money take your broke ass home!" Boy how true it that!!!!

Well, That's That!! Interesting huh!! I thought so!
Take care and I am praying for you all!

Wednesday, May 2, 2007


Well, AF finally made herself known on Monday!! I called RE and scheduled my day 3 labs! FSH was 4 and E2 was 32! So I am good to go!! Started BCP's today, Fencon FE. I have never taken these before and I am concerned about constipation with the whole Iron thing! We will see! So I take these horrible pills of madness for the next 4 weeks. Then I start stims first part of June!! So I guess I am a June/July cyclist! Is it wrong for me to want this cycle to be over already??? I look at those forever long calendars and get really tired!! So much to do! I wish I could just take it all at once and retrieve tomorrow!! HAHA!! Wow the cycle's we would plow through! I hate the one day at a time business!! Needless to say patience has never been my strong suit!! I feel like that brat girl on Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, "I want the golden ticket, and I want it NOW!!!" Oh well, rant over! Thanks I feel better!!
Anywho, life is crazy with all the kids activities-Dance and Baseball! I am hoping that they will keep my mind off things. My Jay is sooo sweet, I found a homemade card today that he had made me when we found out that the last cycle didn't work. I was in bed for a couple of days sobbing, and it was the sweetest little note about how God's timing is perfect and when it is time for a baby there will be one. Damn christian school that I pay too much money to send him to!! Why must they teach him such wonderful things to say!! JK!!! I guess I will be reading that for the next 8 weeks to keep me grounded!! I am truely blessed for the two that I have, I just want my DH and I to have a special blessing of our own! It is sort of strange to go from a fertile to an infertile! I was told that I would have problems getting pregnant but after two successful pregnancies I said bah hum bug! Little did I know what was to be! Oh to have young eggs and parts again!! Well, I will keep you guys posted on anything new! Just holding my breath until stims!!